To kick things off for our momentous 29th edition, the Paloozian Founders Council awarded Bill & Brad with its first-ever Medals of Valor for their selfless and painful dedication to the mantra “The Palooza waits for no man”.

The first stop was Au Cheval, a French-inspired restaurant that many consider home to America’s best cheeseburger. It’s also home to America’s crankiest hostesses who were none too pleased with your Gen X heroes (and one notable Boomer). Ladies, it’s a cheeseburger—settle down.

After leaving us hanging for over two hours, the Paloozians’ monumental efforts to fight back hunger (especially Al) and the anti-Paloozian host staff were rewarded with this dijonnaise-soaked masterpiece. Two words: pork belly.

This year, the libation focus included a steady stream of Hazy IPAs, strong Manhattans and a few filthy martinis.

Benefiting from the Great Chicago Fire which required much of the city be re-planned from scratch, the walks through the city back to our hotel were photo-worthy at almost every turn.

Milo crosses the street in front of our hotel in search of “6am Seanie”, who had already downed over a gallon of coffee and spent an hour “puzzling”.

Along with beer and pizza, donuts are a staple of any Palooza worth its salt. Here’s Al waving over the Paloozians to grab some breakfast treats.

Now that’s what I call some ceiling art.

After a healthy start to the day, the Paloozians made their way over to Millennium Park to check out some of Chicago’s outdoor art and mentally prepare themselves for a rigorous day of e-biking.

One of the coolest new additions to a city full of artistic installations is this liquid droplet of mercury officially called “Cloud Gate”, but more affectionately referred to as “The Bean”.

Al tries to pop up his kickstand as Bill quietly reminds himself to keep very close tabs on the key to his bike lock.

The Paloozians first headed south through the park for a brief stop at Buckingham Fountain, which Brad quickly noted was “built in 1844 by 36 men at a total cost of $676 dollars.”

Craig navigates his way around the crashing waves of Lake Michigan as The Paloozians continue to head south around The Shedd Aquarium.

As the Paloozians took a quick break to check out the view of this great city, it became clear that we had probably seen our last ray of sunshine.

In a brazen attempt to earn his own Medal of Valor, Al purposely put his left calf in harm’s way, causing our first Paloozian injury of the trip.

Craig openly wonders if these Paloozians can actually handle riding e-bikes without ending up in the hospital.

The Paloozians tossed themselves a curve and decided to take a quick break to walk through one of the best art museums in the world.

Billy stops to admire a handful of extremely rare Mesopotamian iPhone covers on display.

No trip to Chicago is really complete without viewing Seurat’s masterpiece and the trigger for Cameron Fry’s dot-driven existential crisis.

Home to Van Gogh’s “An Allegory of Paloozian Excess and the Decline of Civilized Restraint”, The Art Institute of Chicago was the perfect way to check the mandatory Paloozian cultural experience off the list.

The Paloozians gather outside the museum for a group pic before getting back on the road to head north along the lake.

Inspired by their artistic interlude, the Paloozians resumed their journey north along the paths that go for miles along the lake.

A quick stop at Castaways was in order to get some libations and chicken strips into the bellies of the Paloozians after such a rigorous morning of semi-pedaling.

After a successful day touring Chicago on the bikes, the Paloozians made their way to Topo Gigio for some top-shelf pasta.

Behold the tomato-cream based glory that was the preferred dish of Paloozians that night.

Brad does his best to impersonate Topo Gigio, the pride and joy of Italy and one of Ed Sullivan’s favorite performing acts.

Before heading into Second City, the boys made their way across the street to enjoy some tasty craft cocktails.

Brad and Milo are captured in a tender moment of Paloozian bliss.

The Paloozians assemble for a touching and poignant salute to Sean’s special thumb.

The Paloozians capped off an epic day in Chicago with a 2-hour sketch comedy and improv session at Chicago’s famed Second City. Hey you hoosiers behind us, STFU already!

The lads got day three started off in grand fashion with some delicious and nutritious bagel sammies.

The Paloozians then walked across Clark to take a VIP tour of The Friendly Confines. Note to self: never ask some rando who reeks of weed at 10:39 am to frame your group pic.

The Paloozians were treated to an epic tour from a guy who clearly loved his Cubbies.

Milo, Allie and Brad take a moment to admire the finest stadium on the planet.

Nothing breeds degenerate activities quite like a warm afternoon at Wrigley while surrounded by beer vendors. The wall was angled to discourage bleacher bums from holding wall races. And the net was added for when they did anyway.

No Paloozian adventure would be complete without some reference to Al being abnormally sleepy. So here ya go.

Just imagine how many frosty cold Budweisers were gulped from right here within the Wrigley Field Press Box.

The Paloozians salute you from the same bench that has supported over 100 seasons of Cubs legends.

The greatest announcer in sports history is now a permanent fixture behind the bleachers.

And speaking of legends, no visit to Wrigley is complete without grabbing a beer at the famed Murphy’s Bleachers.

There’s only one acceptable beverage order when you’re hanging at Murphy’s—the classic Old Style Lager, established back in 1900.

The Paloozians continued their journey north to Evanston to see the Buffs take on Northwestern. Arriving early was key to getting seats along the bar and a steady flow of beverages.

Then it was over to watch major college football inside a stadium meant for intramurals. Here the Cats are taking the field in what would prove to be the highlight of the night.

Milo and Sean decide to tempt fate by flashing some Paloozian brotherhood signs in front of the local ruffians. Fortunately, the opposition turned out to be roughly 1,636 skinny Asian girls with Macrobiology homework, so they managed to survive the night.

In a pathetic display of incompetence, the Buffs got pasted by the Cats, which led to Coach Prime literally kicking 11 guys off the team a few hours later. We coming, I guess.

Unsatisfied with the evening’s tepid sporting entertainment, a brave offshoot of Paloozians kept the spirit going by grabbing some wings and beers at Elephant & Castle.

For reasons that may forever remain unclear, Bill instead made a solo run to grab a bottle of Jack and two hard boiled eggs at a highly questionable 7-Eleven.

The Paloozians woke up to steady rain showers and wind, but that didn’t hold them back from braving the elements to see the Minnesota Vikings play the Chicago Bears.

The Paloozians decided on Italian Beef hoagies as the breakfast item of choice. Quite delicious.

Although it was just the second week of the NFL season, the Paloozians were “treated” to a late November-style Bears game wrought with a steady downpour and 30 mph gusts of lake wind.

Craig, Bill and Al stand ready for kick-off, determined to stay in their seats until the final painful snap, no matter how bad the weather gets. Seriously, we can do this, fellas.

The Bears followed up their 59 point outburst of the previous week with nothing but a measly field goal and six bags of wet nuts.

Sean did some tremendous work encouraging the various panting fans as they struggled to scale the steep steps of the upper deck.

Soldier Field opened in 1924 to commemorate the American soldiers who fought in World War I. Here is one of them cheering for a single field goal.

In another uninspiring affair, the Bears and Vikes partook in an error-prone field goal fest before Caleb Williams jacked his hamstring and ended all hopes for a last minute comeback.

In honor of fellow Paloozian and world-renowned pedestrian Dean Olson, the boys chose to walk all the way from Soldier Field to their hotel downtown. I’m sure Dean was walking there with them in spirit (as a side note, don’t worry, Dean is still alive).

After a long and soaked afternoon, the Paloozians got things back on track with some tasty deep dish at Lou Malnati’s Pizzeria.

Your heroes chomped through two large pies—one featuring Lou’s unique pizza-wide layer of sausage and another covered with delicious pepperoni cups (Note: Milo insisted on pouring hot honey on both the pie and himself that night).

The next stop was the famed Kingston Mines Blues Joint where the boys took in a couple of hours of classic blues.

One of the ongoing house acts at Kingston, the Mike Wheeler Band gets into some BB King-style bluesy goodness.

Kingston is one of those bars that looks like it’s been going strong since the mid 40’s and likely hasn’t been dusted that entire time.

It didn’t take long for news of the Paloozian Valorians to spread across the city. But we were a bit surprised that Kingston had already dedicated one of its many murals to their heroic exploits.

A lot has been built since we last cruised the Chicago River back in 2003, so the remaining Paloozians decided to re-up on another floating jaunt through this great city.

Home to the Chicago Ad Exec played by Tom Hanks in Nothing In Common, these apartments still are some of the most popular in the city.

Sporting a massive footprint, the Merchandise Mart was built by Marshall Field in 1930 and features the “legends of retail” out front. Today it is home to Motorola, where Craig once spent 6.5 of 8 hours trying to locate meetings he was missing.

In an epic affront to the prohibition movement, the city known for Al Capone’s bootlegging empire built this bold salute to the champagne bottle in the 1930s.

One of the best views around—the moment when your tour boat flips a u-turn at the end of the Chicago River.

Like so many sites in this great town, missing out on a quick bite at The Billy Goat Tavern is considered blasphemy by Paloozians the world over and grounds for expulsion.

You know, it’s just nice to know that there are some things in this world that never change.

The Paloozians were so relieved when they found their beloved neon still fully operational inside The Goat.

After all these years, it’s still a damn good inner-city grill kinda cheeseburger. But still no Coke, Pepsi!

Billy sits alone with a goat painting and an apparently quite vast array of Amazon business problems to solve.

The final stop on their breezy long weekend in Chicago was a visit to Garrett Popcorn to stock up on bags of Chicago Mixed (caramel + cheese—trust me, it’s spectacular). So long and see ya next year. #PaloozaForever

Less than a week before our trip, we lost our beloved ClemLord—the founder of the original log palace, a man known for his impressively high tolerance for Paloozian hijinks, and an overall great guy. We’ll miss you, Steve. Palooza Nation salutes you!